Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Vicious Circle

Leather pants looked smug like a cat that has managed to just lick the cream from the chocolate milkshake. It’s a hat trick that she has achieved, the third person she has given the pink slip in a row. SHE is god and felt really good. And if one could peer into the botoxed forhead that encased her mind, you could almost hear a purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and a really lazy MEAOW. She waited patiently for the PR girl to call. A call she waited every day to snub. Every day it would follow the religious pattern. She would pick the phone only at the last ring.
“Helllllllooooooo”( fake drawl) Leather Pants Here
“Ma’am”( stutter) a nervous pause. “This is Priya”
“Priya Who?”
“I am a consultant from PR Mix”
Listen, D-O-N-T disturb me, I am in a meeting. Do you understand?
She sipped the sugarless, tea less, tea .PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Meanwhile the “Third Person”, felt like shit. He read and re read the same lines , …Your services have been terminated with due….” The fact that he was eating pea nuts didn’t help either. No More Pea nuts. , he thought .And like that other two before him he muttered with genuine interest “ I want to kill that bitch”. Slowly it got to him and he started to cry. His extension rang for the last time. He answered .
"Hello"( muffled and Pathetic)
"Sir, this is Priya from PR Mix. Is it a good time to speak to you?"
"Actually it’s the best "( sarcastic)"yea?"
"Sir we are doing an event with an NGO for AIDS awareness……. nice if you could cover the event"
"Shut the @#$% up ,you @#$%^"
"Excuse me sir?"
"You women are all alike. You @#$%^ squeeze us …inside out…kill our spirit….blah blah….."

In a PR firm some where in a dingy lane in Saidapet where the air conditioning has not worked in a week, Priya the Consultant started tearing her hair and crying …for no reason or so the others thought. “ I am a failure …I don’t wanna live”, she sobbed into her hands. Her rage translated to the phone somersauling into the newly bought computer instantly cracking its screen.
“Get out Ma, You are fired” barked the self styled MD of PR Mix Mr Narayana Moorthy.
But Priya had lost it, to even hear it.

The ambulance could not be maneuvered into that particular narrow lane in Saidapet. The attenders rushed with the stretcher to PR Mix. It was the day of Agni nakshatra and the sun was ferocious in assault.
Some body was wailing …Aiya yooooooooo
Aiya yooooooooooo
Aiya yoooooooo
“ it’s serious ya”
“Poor thing”
By the time the hospital attenders trudged up the stairs, Mr Narayana Moorthy
was still.
At the hospital, the doctor told the petrified son of Mr Narayana Moorthy”We’ll do our best, It’s a Heart Attack”.

Leather Pants rubbed her hands for warmth and cursed her cold contemporary office.
In her blog she wrote…”Another Borin Day wer nothing happened…Somebody gimme a job where I can cause some ripple…Ciao”

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Am I alive? Yup…barely
Wat was I up to?
Here’s everything in a nutshell.
Got a brand property launched
Bought some make up
Flirted with an actor
Fought with hubby, made up
Played with Kamia
Got burnt in the sun
Got knees damaged permanently
Made enemies with a friend
Got huger credit card bills
Tat’s kickin alive!

Saturday, May 05, 2007


Anybody who is thinking right would assume that someone with the tag of a pussy licker is a serial pornophile or some really desperate man. Wrong. Enter boy crazy woman who pretends to be 24 for the past god knows how long, tries to hit on anything that is fair skinned with the required testosterone levels . Okay we have established that PUSSY LICKER is a boy crazy woman (not the unassuming lesbian). It should be the other way round right?

“…Okie Ma’am….”
“Sure why not….”
“..Do you need an orange juice?..”
Slurp Slurp…….

Ma’am being the closed frustrated 50 yr old spinster who in my opinion would have been a bad lay, loves to be pussy licked, treated like Angelina Jolie in Africa. So Pussy licker goes overboard.
“Ma’am, how do you manage to look so beautiful ?
( Ma’am pretends to look busy but is secretly orgasmic)

“ love what you are wearing” (an inappropriate fake leather pants on a really hot day in a badly air conditioned office)
Ma’am lips curl into a smile

“ Leela says that you look like her mother….Ma’am can I get you coffee?”
Ma’am tries not look to look pissed off. Leela is the oily, obese hardworking girl in the office, competition to PL , now blacklisted forever by ma’am.

More slurpings later. Ma’am gives PL a promotion, a salary hike and flexible working hours. And Leela gets to sit in a corner completely ignored ,doing all the real work round the clock, never getting to fit into fake leather pants on a hot day in a poorly air conditioned office.

PL finally fell in love with a fair skinned boy studyng in 12th std who’s on suspension in school for bashing up a girl who refused to sleep with him. Ma’am got vainer and permanently sealed her fate as a frustrated spinster by buying more fake leather pants.
Leela quit the job and got married to a skinny IIT’ian who has the hots for fat oily women.

Moral of the story :
Don’t judge the book by it’s cover, who would have thought that Pussy Licker is actually a clean happily ever after story.

Every dog has it’s day.(even obese ones)

P Lickin works.