Monday, August 27, 2007

Things people told me today and what I told them

Happy Onam ( a million times)
Me : Happy Onam to you too

I don’t want to work with you. For you this is a past time. For me it’s work.
Me : I am sorry. I wont repeat this.

I didn’t realize your face is so big. Is it a swelling?
Me: That’s cos ur face is so small.

Do you want to be the rat’s head or the lion’s tail?
Me: I hate rats.

I think somebody bitched about you.
Me: yeaaaaa

What sort of a woman are you?
Me: I am strong and independent. That’s what everybody says anyways.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Bingo !!!

Yesterday I was in front of the mirror nude. And the whispers began. I need to lose some kilos here. A lot more there.I wished I could pinch all the flab away. Then the mental picture of Shilpa Shetty in Metro with her gorgeous back floated somewhere in between my chubby back with generous love handles. That’s when I actually thought. Yes, I am losing weight. If I had told this to Lena.I am sure she would say, “What’s wrong with you? what are you thinking? Why do u always compare yourself with the stars…..blah blah". I am not comparing but you know what I mean rite?

It was raining. That meant I couldn’t go for a walk. So I switched on the music, dabbed lots of olive oil over myself and started dancing in the nude. I could see the fat move. It’s narcissistic and I am not bored. Then I decided that I need to put on my bra cos I definitely dont want my boobs to sag. Bingo! I am gonna dance the fat away.

I am gonna look like Shilpa Shetty. Don’t u smirk…this pic is actually hers.

There is hope. For us all.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Whats happenin with me?

Well I am not dead. Not yet. So here goes.

My boss is pissed off with me. My mom still fights with me. I still hate some people. I have put on some weight( the bad jelly belly kind but can be camouflaged with clever creative dressing). Got a facial that costs 2 grand, which made look and feel like shit. I ‘ve put on weight. Ate a burger with extra chesse and maxi size with a chocolate mousse cake today. Kamia turned two, two days ago ( on 19th). We had a cute chocolate cake of Tom and Jerry. She is my masterpiece. Kamia , not the cake. I can’t bake to save my life. Yesterday I was in the train to Chennai. Now i am in office looking busy.( actually i did some constuctive stuff today).
“Underarm” Dealings in the train

He: ……I love doin that to a woman….have an under arm fetish… biting them….
Me: really?
He: yea….it’s like kissing the ear…
Me: Can I tell you a secret that can shock you?
He: ( wets his lips looking hopeful ) shock me? Don’t ask me to go away or slap me. Nothing else can shock me.
Me: I am married
He: yeah?
Me: and I have a baby
He : I think I need a smoke.

I am sure that he wished he had not shared his dinner that his mom made with me.
I also told him that the dark uncle lying next to us has nice huge pheromonic underarms in case…..

I like him like I like Micky Mouse or Donald Duck.