Friday, December 21, 2007

The Bestest

In my heart of hearts I believe in certain things that are not so rational. Sometimes it’s these little things that make life so worthwhile. We were at a shopping mall yesterday. My friend, her son , Kamia and my cousins. We were all having a nice time. The kids were playing but at the back of my mind, I was irritated ( you cant blame me., I was PMSing). I was thinking. Here I am with a bunch of kids and really tired. Where is Biju?. Why cant he be a part of this.So irritating. Fucking working all the time. I am so fed up ………

But I was smiling. In between Kamia had to pee twice. Somewhere around the time when we were eating, she spilt some sauce over herself and I had to take her for a wash. When I came back, My friend’s eyes were teary.

“You know what….Your husband called” She says, “ You’ve saved him as The Bestest on your phone.My husband used to call me that. For a moment I thought……

I did not want to say.

May be it’s a sign. In my heart of hearts, I believe that my friend‘s husband is telling her that she is the bestest. Still his bestest no matter what. I know she believes that.

My friend's husband is no more. And even after 9 years it hurts.

Here I am taking my bestest for granted , cribbing and comparing and criticizing. I am gonna make each living moment memorable because life is so scary and I can be really stupid at times.

Friday, December 07, 2007

OLDIE'S GOLDIE

When I was 20 and in college, only 18 year old guys had crushes on me. Some of them were really cute but I had a mental block about dating guys who were younger than me even by a day. So that meant , I had to date the older and the not so happening guys. I had deviated from my self imposed rule once or twice and it wasn’t really worth it.

Today, somebody looks into my eyes and says “I am so enamoured by your personality and goodness, you rock…..biju is so lucky….If you weren’t married and weren’t carrying the child, I would have proposed to you right now”. This somebody is 58 years old and the head of a company.( my father’s age). The part of my personality that I exhibited was laughing out loud and yawning when he tried to pass an SMS forward as a joke. The goodness part if any was my ability to concentrate more on the food than his inane talk. “I like you”, he says….And suddenly I am a magnet that attracts old guys.

The oldies are winking at me and telling their sob stories. They are complimenting me and flirting with me politely. The young ones are calling me Aunty, even my senior in college.

I don’t like it one bit.

I feel like Mona darling.
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How’s me?( That is if you care to know)

I lost 1000 bucks….somebody I know got sacked…..my hubby’s become some head or the other which means longer hours and more nagging from my side. My daughter is thinner. I am fatter than yesterday.My hair is half curly and granny is sick. My brother is indifferent and mom too intrusive . My in laws feel like a figment of imagination, so out of sight. Also found out that there are no true lasting friendships in office. There’s a hidden agenda to everything. I bought something really expensive for myself that looks like a cheap bauble. Am unhappy about that, so money cant buy happiness.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Eating your cake….
Yesterday Sleazy told me “’I ‘ve left something at your desk, its soft like your tits”. I was not shocked out of my senses nor did I feel angry. Little irritated. Yes. And nothing more.

When I did reach office, The something on my desk turns out to be a brown bread cake with chocolate filling. I ate it no remorse. I needed sugar. Besides it was really yummy.

Poor Sleazy, so obviously sleazy and insignificant.

It’s the non-obvious ones that scare me. Once one of my best friend touched me the wrong way. Yes, there are right ways and wrong ways. I felt indignation, shock and disbelief and for some weeks didn’t speak to him. I felt angry when the friendly old man tried to grope me, because I didn’t expect it .

I like to be prepared. I like my pepper spray in my hand. I like the feeling that I know what you are up to. I like to bash you up and then create a scene soothing my melodramatic nerves.

Sleazy, You can talk shit all you want but God forbid the day you try to touch me the wrong way. Until then I don’t mind eating your cake or talking to you.