Friday, December 19, 2008

Three is a crowd!

Being lonely and having no friends is sad but somehow one gets used to the loneliness and finds solace in doing things that one is passionate about. The most thought provoking ideas stem from solitude, so does immortal works of art; books, songs, paintings - all crafted carefully by dexterous fingers in moments of loneliness and even pain by a very lively brain. What is truly heartbreaking in life is being the Third Wheel.

This post is dedicated to all the Third Wheels in Life. Third Wheel trapped in marriages, The Third Wheel among lovers, Third Wheel of friends. I feel your pain. You are worse than the garbage because the stink is from inside and you are constantly trying to escape that, little knowing that it is the stink of being “the Third Wheel”.

The third wheel existence in life is to give company to the other legitimate wheels whose bonding levels are sky –scraping , to the extent that TW will always be the outsider .
If you are trapped in any of these situations, god forbid !

*You always end up passenger seat in the car. The front seat goes to the First wheel/Second wheel every single time.

*You are always driving and they both are in the passenger seat.

*You are the messenger. Your job is to repeat verbatim, words, emotions, expressions of the other wheels to each other.

*You are the temple friend, somebody the first wheel accompanies in the process of meeting the second wheel in a temple/bus stand/canteen etc.

*You are a crowd of three and not part of the special looks/subtle touches exchanged by the other two.

*You are there but very much not there.

*That you are the legitimate but are treated otherwise

And many more such instances. I hope you get the drift.

But sadly Third wheels only wake up when they get the message flat on their faces
“Thank you for being there. Now we don’t need you anymore”

Need some tissues TW?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Crack in my lil finger....

Its official…I fractured my little finger and suffered quite a bit under the care of a certified quack. So now its re bandaged and I am painfree.

So here comes some pics of me suffering(lol) but working hard to spread the glory of my company all over the world like a lone martyr – narcissistic and a lil cracked up!


Kyunki yeh Life hai…
Because this is Life …

Sometimes when I look around, I feel that I am part of a mega soap. A narrator of sorts without a script.Some of the things that are happening are so absurd that my beliefs are shattered like little glass shreds on a hot day. Some trample on it unscathed while others get hurt by the sharp edges.
These are slices of life that bemused me and some that shook me a little.

Some years ago in college, my friend just stopped coming to college. Then I saw her a month later and she appeared to be "hugely" different. After years of believing that she woke up like that one fine day, now she tells me without a blink, over a glass of vodka…"those are the implants"... The best part was I didn’t blink back .

There was this beautiful girl, smart, vivacious and a nice person , when I saw her in college I knew that she would conquer the world. Now, she has a little girl and is on the brink of a divorce for no reasonale fault of hers where as the certified dunce in my class is painting the world red and has leaped the career ladder like rabbits in lust. And she isn’t even remotely nice looking and her communication skills are zilch. Beats me.

Then there are others who seemed to have all but their lipstick is to hide quivering lips, glossy hair is a painful effort to divert the mind from pain . The laughter is loud but hollow and the mist in the eye after a good laugh is actually tears , of pain , sorrow, anger , knowing that they had it all but still have nothing.

While manipulative little things, with fake smiles and dried up brains walk away with trophies and bask in confetti and all the nice things showered by life…even the narrator cant but sigh in exasperation.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Four years ..... (Nov 27th)
of love, fights, tears, happiness
cuddles, kisses, milestones....
It feels great to be married :-)

Monday, November 24, 2008

Saturday Nite at Dublin

Lena says that I look like a "cross between a retard and chinky"...she feels that she looks like a "white pig"..and Shweta hates the way she looks here...

PS: And I have finally mastered the art of looking thin....(wear sleeves and get partially covered by friends!)

Monday, November 17, 2008

I had a you can see....

Lady in red at the Times Party

Monday, November 03, 2008

Excrete a lie

My boss calls at 11am.
"Where are u", he asks?
I am on the way I say
The door bangs out
And my daughter says
"Make her shit",
Biju bellows
Only the dial tone
Bye, bye promotions.

PS: She leaves a huge mound on the toilet floor.So concrete and precise.
Dinner @ C’s place
I truly madly passionately admire C. She is a phenomenal woman. Thought I’ll post this pic cos everybody is happy and actually smiling. Tats Kamia sleeping. Oops am wearing the same red jacket yet again!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Really Inane

No new posts do not mean that my life has come to a standstill. In fact so many inane things clubbed together have given me some great moments. Since you know me by now, I am not gonna dwell on happiness because it’s always fleeting however long it stays. It’s the boredom, the irritability that lingers.

I am in office in my comfort salwar kameez and bathroom slippers and I feel almost at peace, far from how I felt in the morning. At the gym they told me without a blink that I am technically obese and I have around 32 percent body fat which is way too high. I just wanted to throw the towel and walk out forever. But I kinda spied a fit and getting fitter Imran Khan and thought otherwise.

A very inane thing that I noticed about IK is that he is always in white and black , every single day that I have seen him.

Yesterday Biju and I were at the supermarket and I see a woman with fountain hair and Sania glasses staring at him . And they have an eye locked moment amidst britannias and veggies. He turns to look at me sheepish, I smile and walk with him till we are out of focus of the starer. Then I twist his arm really hard. He beams. A lil bit of jealousy is a good thing.

I also like to clarify that I don’t stare at IK. I am not a starer. I ignore people that I find attractive. And if I’ve been talking to you and staring, now you know what it really means.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Imran , what art thou?

I’ve joined a gym again and really hoping to be regular. It’s the second day today. There’s this guy working out, who looks exactly like Imran Khan of Jaane tu fame and Kidnap debacle . He is damn drool worthy. I’ve caught him looking at me once or twice. It could also be my imagination tricked by sweating buckets that lead to dehydration induced illusions. Whatever it is he is cute. I’ve already referred him to my single friend who is very interested and wants to know other details as well. But the only turn off is that he has PINK lips. He could be gay. If he is, then he is gonna be my fren. If not my friend gets him. That’s a good deal rite?
And now for my friend’s sake, I have to gym (wink).
Gay:-) straight:-( gay:-) straight:-( gay:-) straight :-(………gay:-)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Does anybody hate Rock On?

I think Rock On is the most unrealistic and boring movie I’ve seen in a long time. It is just damn boring. Most of the characters are unidimensional except for Debbie. She is the only saving grace and the worst part is everybody is raving about this movie.

The movie that I saw goes something like this……..

There is this group of guys who likes to sing some folk songs and pass it off for hard rock stuff. Arjun Ramphal is an extremely talented lead guitarist who likes to get angry for no reason; Farhan Akthar is the singer, full of himself with a class leader like attitude,
Then there’s Purab the drummer and another guy with long hair.
These guys when they are in college con a lot of people by singing folk songs masked as rock and even win a competition. Then Arjun and farhan have a tiff (yawn ) and that’s the end of Magik ( the name of the band).

Ten years later they wake up. By now Farhan is really successful and has a house that is unbelievably unachievable (considering he was only a folk aka rock singer 10 yrs ago). He has a pretty wife prachi, who is always plastered with a watery smile and who remains thin while pregnant and is never hysterical even when farhan looks through her when she tells him that she is pregnant. She stumbles on a box strategically placed with memorabilia of farhan and gang during Magik days and wants to encourage him to be old Farhan ( as now she gets no sex, he turns off to sleep everyday and looked surprised when she announced the pregnancy…yea that’s the Magik). There is a steamy pic in the box where he is passionately kissin an ex gf, whom Parchi thanks later when they meet in a party( I know)

Then Purab the ex drummer wants a meeting with all guys. The only woman who seems normal Debbie and who actually working hard has a prob with this. She is Arjun Ramphal’s wife who by now has become a big time loser . Then yawns later the reconciliation happens and more yawns later they want to participate in another rock competition (again). Debbie takes Arjun away but he runs back to the competition singing a duet with Farhan a melodramatic slow number. One of the band member has a brain tumour , not dyslexia so he manages to perform.

Some months later Magik is dead-the band is, but the moments of lazing around a pool becomes Magik. Really whom are they trying to kid?

Oh did I forget to tell you that the tumour guy died and Arjun ramphal is suddenly rich, Debbie is happy and Prachi has an obese child.

Am I normal to think that this movie sucks bigtime?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

STO and I

Feelings for me originate from the stomach. If my stomach is happy, I
am. Today I am not exceptionally happy. Let me digress and tell you
the story of my stomach, the story of love and some ups and downs.

When I was younger, in college I never ever considered my stomach as
anything exceptional, it was flat and it gave me great moments of joy
by getting satiated with junk food but continued to be firm allowing
me to wear the tightest of T shirts. It was my thighs that was too big
or my face that was covered with pimples. As I worried about my other
physical imperfections, my stomach never let me down.

Then some years later, I noticed that she was not as flat as before
but still so sweet and loved the same junk food and lots of nuts. She
was nutty about nuts and chips and little chunks of fat started to
settle on my butt but those were still the days of Jay Lo and I got
away with it.

Then one day, I started noticing that my stomach was getting bigger
than usual. In fact way too big making me look like a little balloon
but she was only bringing me a bundle of joy. In the mornings or
afternoons whenever I woke up, I went to the window near the mirror
watching her balloon with me. But one day I started noticing a tiny
silvery thread threatening to come between us. I almost fainted-
STRETCH MARKS. Please deflate , before they invade our personal space
and boom she listened. I had a cute baby in m arms and she was
deflated and a lot sore. I liked touching her because she was soft.
The nurses dressed in white became her tormentors. She can't be
unrestrained. "Tie her up". And they bound my stomach almost choking
her. But she went through it like a martyr.

And just when she thought things were getting better, she met Padimini
chechi who really made her suffer in the name of post pregnancy care.
She loved the oil massages but nothing in the world prepared her for
the scalding water thrown on her with blatant disregard. "Otherwise
she won't shrink", Padmini Chechi said determinedly.

She did shrink and was almost like before. We were very happy
together. Then one day things started to change. She started lying to
me and would feign pain in the name of a stomach crunch or abdominal
exercise and unknowingly or unknowingly I started calling her abdomen
some thing that she hated. Today she looks like a little pouch and
just refused to let me where the little red top I wanted. I told her I
don't give a damn and restrained her with a corset. She is in pain
and wants to be free and I am too selfish for that. We are both

To think, we both had our way some time back. May we should work on this.

Darling Stomach , baby I love you but not today.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

No friends Pls…Only Strategic Alliances

There is a golden rule to be followed at work, which I break most of the time and suffer.
I here by pledge to follow that rule and never ever break it for the good of me.
Amen to that.

The rule is:
Never ever get close to any body at work, accidentally, deliberately, under duress or just like that.
You know, it simply is not worth it.
No body needs to know my PMS cycles, the perfume I wear, my relationship with my husband, my daughter’s eating habits, my ex boy friend’s names, the reason of the break ups, how I met my husband , my constant fight to lose weight and the conflicting treacherous appetite.

If they know, they are just gonna screw you with that little bit of inane but potentially unprofessional information.

Also when you talk to people, you generally assume that they like you because you feel you are likeable with not much hang ups and after all you are baring your heart , to someone you like.

You get lulled by it surrounded by laughter.

Then one day, especially when you are smiling broadly, they just tell right on your face.

Shut the @#$% up.

And you have to….

…To go back to your workstation to lick the wounds.

Really. Never. Ever.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Stair mates...

There is someone i meet on the stairs. It's always by accident and it doesnt help one bit that he is downright gorgeous.
I hope i am not acting stupid but some men among a sea of men have that effect on you. You like watching them more than others, wondering how they there. Today, we were discussing that he lost his beard and hence was looking incredibly cuter.
Some of my friends say that he is dumb and sometimes stammers a lot during meetings but another group says that's because he thinks faster than he speaks.

Some say that he is tight tisted. Actually it doesnt matter, he's never gonna spend on me.

Wat ever they say, he is my stair mate who pops up suddenly in the stairs startling me a bit and making me smile a lot.

So wat about Biju? I like watching him, fighting with him, cuddling and coochie cooing , having him for keeps to climb the stairs with me - however steep or slippery because he is what is called my soul mate.

Monday, July 28, 2008


One day , they met after years. He was tall and confident but she saw him differently now unlike years ago. his eyes have dried up designed with lil criss crossing lines which can look cute depending on the way you look at him but she didnt like it anymore. lips were greyish and dehydrated kissed by a million cigars which she didnt notice before. he was downright ugly now and before.

Ugly inside out.

But years ago, she loved that ugliness and cried in her hostel room , when he left her for another woman.

As she walked away, she smiled knowing how close, she was to crying for the rest of her life.

Thank god for heart breaks.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Mommy goes to party sans baby with bro n cousin idea of posing. Thank god for the jacket that covered the oil bubbles

i resemble a superstar- Mohan lal

My bro, me ( looking like an oily tanker ) and cousin ( who is wearing my top)
It's been a while since I actually partied. I just clubbed a couple of times but was cut short by my hubby prompt calls where I could hear somebody wailing, lustily and throatily AMMMAA.......
So the maternal instinct in me did a full monty and I rushed home albeit a little irritated to my daughter.
So is this how my life's gonna be? An amma who cant step out at night?

So last Saturday, I was all the more determined to make it to the Filmfare party. As usual Biju was at work, so decided that it will be my non smoking, veggie, teetotaler brother and cousin who is 17and some months old to do the honours of accompanying me to the party ,to party with the stars.

It was a last minute decision, so Ididn’t have the tickets and plus couldn’t blow dry my hair which was a little tragic considering my hair can at best be described as "nothing much on earth"( my auntie’s words). If this is bad enough, my cousin kept on saying "you look like a pig, a fat one". That could be combated with ingenious dressing.

Then at around 10 pm I got a brilliant idea to make my hair shiny. I think it's my mallu genes which helped in taking that decision of boiling coconut hair and then putting it on my hair to wash off to a silky shiny mane. I have to tell that somewhere in all this, the boiling oil slipped from my hands to leave splats of skin bubbles on my cleavage and arms.

I yelped in pain and thanked god for ice cubes but the tough never quits, so I put on a red jacket and was off to party in one of the most posh hotels in Chennai by literally jumping into the awaiting car....a brand new, silky silver, fully loaded maruti 800 ( my brother's).

My brother looked kind of cute wearing a satin black shirt a far cry from his army jawan kind of dressing. My cousin, Meghana, well looked 17, resplendent , sporting specs and curls.

Some how , I sponged some extra tickets which I had to get from a friend who house i've visited a million times ,yet not surprising couldn’t find. My indiscriminate barrage of "go left .. no right..hmm" finally ended with the car hitting the pavement and darling brother refused to budge and rushed out to check the damage to his lady love, even cleaning the scratches with his hands.

Finally I walked till eternity on my stilettos and found the house and got the tickets.
We managed to reach the party at 12pm and they were announcing "the bar will be shut in 10 mins"
It actually did and I don’t have to tell you more about the party.

PS: Some stars were really fat, even fatter than me. Even my namesake.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I am so dead.....

Sometimes I really think that I am crazy. Yesterday night I was taking a bath and soaping myself when I felt a lump like thing on my pelvic bone. I got scared and imagined it be a cancerous growth. My heart stopped for a minute and I wallowed on a cancer trip. How I was dying and trying to be brave and selfless, always smiling no matter what but still being scared of death.

Then today morning there was a scene and I just wanted to die. I mean I just got fed up of everything and wondered what it felt like to JUST DIE. My friend Lena says she has never thought of death as an ption ever. She says that she’d rather kill that person who makes her cry. Well I cant do that cos I love biju though he is such a !@#$% sometimes and also he pays all the bills. You don’t want to kill the goose that lays the golden eggs.

I think of walking out sometimes but cant bear to live in a place without AC or Plasma TV and also I just cant sleep without him next to me. But really today I am so pissed off with him. Don’t even ask me what the fight was about. It’s so silly that you’d laugh. But silly things become big things triggering tears and thoughts of death.

Today I really realized why I work. I don’t work for money, for job satisfaction, to quench my creative urge. I don’t.

I work to keep my sanity. My mother always said this, never believed her. Until now.

We had a team building exercise today .It was nice and I was even laughing.

To think I wanted to die. Funny.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Ego Massage

Yesterday, I got an ego massage. I was feeling really smug about it the whole evening. My ex colleague calls me and says that I have a fan in her office and it’s a woman and I
don’t know her. She knows about me from a TV programme my husband and I participated long time back where personally if you ask me, I looked and came across as a retard. My mother says that she is highly embarrassed about that show. The only solace is that my in laws didn’t get to see it.

Okay, forget that highly forgettable show. The whole point is somebody I didn’t even existed admires me. And it seems “she” told my friend that she wants her life to be exactly like mine.

So today , I am in office wearing blue eye shadow and not looking sleepy/bored/cranky.
I even smiled at some walls. Who knows there might be , someone , somewhere around peering looking at me thinking. “God , I want to be like her , the blue eye shadow girl”. ( hig hopes…lol)

Also, I don’t ever want to see that girl, who wants my life. You know…I don’t want to burst her bubble.

Achachan turns eighty

My grandfather turned eighty yesterday. So I gave him a card that said something like “mighty at eighty” and we had a party. I remember when I was a child, my grandfather would get me a whole bunch of toys like dolls , kitchen set etc and there was a friend of mine who said that she wanted a grandfather just like mine. I graduated from toys to other things in life and would never adhere to the curfew imposed by grandfather. He would then shout at me saying” why are you acting like an upstart”. Then I got married , had a baby and my interaction with grandfather was a hi or a bye. He would be plonked on the sofa watching, cricket or those saga serials. Years passed by …and yesterday he turned eighty.
I like my grandfather but truly love my grandmother.
Will blog about my grandma some other day.
Poor Guy..

Hmm…forgot to tell you something that made me believe that you get what you are destined to. There is this ATM security man that i like because he is always smiling and nice to me. So I decided to give him 100 bucks. The first time, I wanted to give him the money, he was talking to someone else. So yesterday, though I was technically broke, I decided to give him 100 bucks. When I was going into with draw the money, he smiled at me. I came back and shoved the money right to his face. And I was standing like that for a few seconds. He just didn’t take the money. I looked closer and his eyes were closed and he was engrossed in the music from his radio, never realizing that just underneath his nose, I was holding 100 bucks.

So I took the money and left. He was just not destined for it.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Anger caressed her like waves on a boulder

Anger is like a worm that is eats you slowly and steadily. I am angry today. I’ve been angry with some people over the past one month. I wish I had the power to make these people suffer.

I hate rude people especially people who are rude necessarily. Today the shop keeper down my flat was extremely rude to me. I hate that bastard.

Then there is this man, who has his desk full of gods-Gods in sizes, shapes, different colours and attires. He professes to be pious and hard working but just refuses to act.
And if he doesn’t act I will not get money that is due to me and if I don’t get that money , then I cant pay that long winding credit card bill. All he has to do is to gimme a letter which he won’t. And I thought somebody said “god is work”. I am so fed up.

And then there are the others….

Just yesterday, I walked around and discovered a beautiful place. Full of greenery and soothing. I stood there under the shade of those survivor trees, savouring every second and I was thinking, why didn’t I discover this place that gives me so much of peace and happiness before? Today I walk to that place again, I see that it’s no longer beautiful. The same place that gave me so much of solace yesterday was making me claustrophobic. My lungs filled with smoke and my eyes started to water. I am crying.

Nothing is beautiful when you are angry.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I am this person, who hates eating from the office canteen.
Lunch for me is elaborate and generally as a rule I like having lunch only with people I love. So lunch partners for me are sacred. I just stop short of worshipping them.
So every day, considerable amount of my time go for planning lunch.
It requires great organizational skills, persuasion techniques and above all follow ups. You don’t want to be stood up right?

Also I love having lunch with people who love to eat. Strictly no dieters. It’s also an added advantage if they are non vegetarians.

A typical day of planning lunch goes like this.

Scan the phone book for prospects. I avoid my new office colleagues. Cos I think they really don’t need to know what I eat and also going through the “getting to know you” kind of conversations can make the food insipid and process torturous. My ideal prospect any day is LENA.
Our appetites match and the conversation is fun and we both don’t really dig veg. Only in the food aspect, being mallu is an added advantage. To say that we loooooooooooooooooooove food is an understatement. And there is absolutely no guilt factor about eating more and more.
When she is not available, is when my lunch plans go haywire.

SWATHI is fun for the conversation part but is strictly vegetarian and has a tendency to eat leaves or cabbage tossed in olive oil (eeeks). But the conversation is worth it but if u really ask me she is a great choice for coffee.
God forbid , if Swathi is not around. Then it’s ARAVIND.

But the problem with Aravind is that he hates fish and has a strong inherent trait to criticize any food preparation. He is a perfectionist and generally suffers lunch with me.
If by some misfortune , all three are unavailable, I just walk and have lunch by myself which I don’t mind at all which of course is the last resort.

If by any chance the above mentioned, agree for lunch. I do follow ups and get ready to masticate.
But all these people have some pet peeves.
With Lena: there is no concept of sharing food
With Swathi: you don’t want to be late , Better to be dead if u are.
With Aravind: What is continental?

Would have loved to write more. But gotta go for Lunch . At last.

Yup, my lunch partner is on the way. Make a guess who it is.

Monday, May 12, 2008

I don’t know where to begin...whether the beginning is right in the first place. Well...I joined this new company on May 5th. The first day went on with the induction process, filling up forms, doing the medicals and so on. It was a bit tiring but I was charged up and dying to get into my new role and be creative and productive and happy. My new boss was in US in a conference, I met him twice before he left to the US. He gave me a brief about my role, KRA and things like that. We discussed certain marketing ideas that would be great to implement. Our thoughts matched, my ideas were well received. Both the meetings went well, I was all ready to bloom in his guidance. Plus he was also pretty young , so his ideas were not closed or constipated . All I needed to do was to work and prove a point. Which I was willing to do. So there is no problem right?

May 6, 2008

Turns out to be a really bad day. Well, When I got dressed for office that day , I didn’t know that. I had bought a new pair of formal shoes which I am almost in love with and a new bag( which is okay but formal looking to carry my pens , books and stuff like that) I was adamant that I am going to be organized. I remember singing in the morning and even had a huge breakfast made by my grandmother. What I am trying to say is that I was so happy and cheerful that morning on the way to office.

When I reached office, everybody was helpful. They told me that my new boss would be delayed and he would take a month and a half to be back. I was a little disappointed because he told me that he would be back in a week. But it didn’t really matter. They also gave a temporary system to work on. I was browsing extra carefully about the company website and looking at the marketing collaterals and a million ideas were taking form in my mind. “This is my calling”, I thought. Then, another colleague pops up and says.
"Namitha , Can I talk to you."
It's always a bad thing when someone says that they want to "talk". I should have been warned.
"Sure" I say in my most professional voice, with the right hint of a smile.
You know our boss is hospitalized. He wasn’t feeling well when he reached there. He collapsed and they had to call 911. His Liver has collapsed and even the kidney is not allright. He is almost in a coma. They have kept him in the life support."
My eyes start tingling and I walk to the loo.
I cry my eyes out. I cry for him because he was so young and vibrant and he did not deserve this. When he was giving me the brief, he would have been really ill and I had no clue. I cry for myself because now I have no idea where I stand. The tissue turns soggy in my hand and I hate that.

I come back to my bay composed and a little red eyed . ‘I should not let this bog me down’. I thought. And for conversation’s sake I asked a colleague as to who was previously using the system that was allotted to me. She says, "S".
"Where is he now", I ask.
"Well, he died of brain tumour ", she says.
Okay now I was getting psyched. So I must be the first person to be using this comp after that. I felt as if I was violating something.
Then after sometime, I learn that the HR head I met sometime back is in the hospital having a surgery.
The guy who was sitting next to me is on leave, because he has acute jaundice and it seems his eyes had become deep yellow.
Okay, so every is sick, dead or dying. Great.
I rush and met Lena for lunch and tell her about my jinxed joining.
She looks at me solemnly and says "it's the earring"
What, I ask? excuse me?
“The earring that you are wearing that you got from me yesterday. I think It's jinxed. Even when I wore it the other day and it turned out to be the worst day of my life , i swear. Just throw it somewhere”, she says vehemently.
In my state of mind that day, it didn’t take a second to be convinced that it was the earrings . So I removed it and hid it under the paper napkins. I dread to think about the fate of the person, who would find it. All said and done, the earrings were actully nice looking.
Well, do u believe it, after throwing the "jinxed " earrings, my luck became better. I meet a collegue whose wavelength really matched with mine. We hit it off. I did some constructive things too.

May 7, 2008.
My new boss is much better. He is gonna come back, everybody says. I do more constuctive things, have coffee machine chit chat and life almost becomes normal.

May 8, 2008
My new boss is off the Life Support. He has been shifted to a room.He is taking to people and asked something about the "super Kings" Also He is eating idlis . We are all happy. I even write a poem.

Leader , O, Leader

The leader lies in pain
in the foreign shores
unknowing that each moment
a tear falls in vain
Someone says "I know him
all these years
My mentor friend"
"I am so lost."
Another says,
"I met him just yesterday
and it hurts
I am the clay waiting
to be moulded"
Eyes are bleary
Heart very heavy
Then someone says,
"Our leader is a fighter
he will be back
to guide us all".
And sun smiles in that office far far away from the leader
knowing in a weird way that he will be back.

No matter what.

May 12, 2008
That's today. He passed away.
His sister said that he didnt want to die till the last minute. He kept telling th doctors, "operate on me do something"
He just didnt give up.
I just met him thrice.
The first time when he interviewd me.
The second for the meeting about my role.
the third when he gave my kra's and put me on to people till he comes. I remember telling him "happy journey" I had no clue that he was even ill at that time.
I feel as if I’ve known him for a lifetime.
Also came to know that he's been battling cancer for 13 years and he is only 30.
Our leader was surely a fighter.
But the rules say that you cant win all the time. Though everybody wanted him to. Just this once.
May your soul rest in peace. I promise, I wont let you down.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


My Baby and I


I’ve officially put in my papers and signed an offer letter of another company. While signing the papers, there was no power in that office, the moment I signed, the power snapped on. The HR girl says that’s a good sign.

Well, I put in my papers on a warm boring day. It seemed like the most sensible thing to do. The earth didn’t shake. The flowers continued to bloom. Nobody is indispensable. Of course they asked me to stay. I am not going to.

What really changed after I put in my papers was my equation with people who I thought were my friends. They also put in their papers on me.I could see their eyes dim even before I am gone. My boss always said that you cant really have lasting friendships in office. So that’s that.

I’ve also given the boot to my stay-in cook. I just had to get rid of her, get rid of her stink that was becoming an integral part of the house. Since she doesn’t believe in taking baths, in spite of me imploring her to do so, I had to do the inevitable .

Its hectic even crazy but life goes usual.

Monday, April 07, 2008

My Birthday- In Reverse Chronology

April 6th , 2008
Am officially 27

When the clock struck 12, Biju landed in my arms, hugging and singing Happy Birthday darling wife……

But I was thinking hmmmph , no cake, no flowers( not that I love flowers but still) and I started feeling grumpy on my birthday.

But suddenly , somebody starts banging on the door.

A yummy chocolate cake appears with a hyper lena and her roomie smitha.

They are singing “happy birthday to you……………….”

I start crying
a) because I didn’t expect it at all
b) because I saw the cake tat said... Happy birthday sexy ass
c) Because Lena took the effort to come all way just to make my b’day special
d) Also because I am turning old and becoming my mother. I think I will cry if a crow shits in saidapet…whatever.

And Lena asks me to play a game. Treasure hunt.

She had hid chits all over the house that afternoon , when I wasn’t at home.

Clue 1
You are obsessed with something?
Ans : Mirror

Other than you Biju is obsessed with…
Ans TV

I cushion an important part of your body
Ans Shoes

I am your favourite time Pass

I am available in the foem of chocolate icecream and..?

I am a part of kamia’s daily life
School bag

And Bingo…my gift lies in kamia’s bag.

I am ecstatic. It’s a watch. A digital waterproof, shock aborbant one I wanted for the gym( I am planning to start from Wednesday)

Afternoon Biju takes me out for lunch and we go shopping for my gifts.

He buys me an amazing fossil watch and puma shoes.

I love Biju truly madly deeply, with my whole being.

But sometimes, I hate him too….esp when the ferris wheel goes down and down

Well…we fought on April 5th ….and back to love on April 6th…cos the ferris wheel is high and its not gonna come down for some time. I am the queen of the sky sitting in my basket of the wheel.

Then it was dinner time.

Swati with green eyes, friend from college said nice things about me on stage…..

More haapy birthday singing
Cutting another cake
Smiles, laughter, bored complacency…general signs of wellbeing

We went berserk and clicked a lot of pics.

We were 5 of us and a toddler

Padma, salim, swati, biju, kamia and I.

It was a beautiful day.

Thursday, April 03, 2008


Its soon gonna be april whts the news?

asks Tys on Ice.

On April 6th I will be 27. I wanted to lose weight and post a pic in a bikini on my birthday. That I guess will have to wait. Still fat. Lost my resolve yet again and got my hair straightened. Still dont know driving. Still broke like last month and the month before that. Still have a messy desk and inbox. Over the years I haven’t changed a bit. it was cute to be all of this as a girl…in a woman it’s downright sloppy.

Not that I care. I am this way by choice.

Will try to be thin though.

Somebody told me to try this game…. Pretend that somebody extremely hot is watching you all the time. I have started playing this game and have stopped scratching my butt or put matchsticks in my ear( a disgusting habit that I have). I am smiling more often and even looking a lil sexy.

Ok . I am in a candid frame of mind. So I will let you on to a secret. Do you really wanna know who told me about this game.

It’s N-A-M-I-T-H-A.

Yea…I am still as silly as ever.

Thursday, March 27, 2008



My friend says that if someone looks at me, laziness would seep into their bones and they would never ever want to do anything constructive. I look perpetually bored and if laziness is a disease, I am dying.

Is it a crime to be bored?

Biju is busy working, Kamia is busy growing up and I am busy doing nothing. Actually it is an art to do nothing. It just takes up my whole time.

If I am not spending my lifetime in an auto, I am busy delivering work related things or having bored conversations with even more bored clients. Cut , Copy, Paste Then the traffic, the pollution, the clutter in my desk, in my inbox, my silly hair, puffy face , ever expanding waist , obstinate hormones don’t leave much for intellectual usage. So technically I am doing nothing.

My thoughts are cloudy and juvenile. I ‘ve become indifferent to compliments and irritated with criticisms. It’s like the whole world is moving at a rapid pace and I am just a railing of an unoccupied sea facing house. RUSTY.

The irony is, though I have not taxed my brains in a long time, I still don’t manage to sleep for 7 hrs plus or hit the gym.

I am actually happy. Can you believe it?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Small is beautiful?

Increments, somebody told me are like peeing in a common loo. You are almost happy with yours till you see your neighbor’s.

I have a really small dick.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


The Bond Girls with Boss

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

In Search Of My Little Nest

Today after a break of 20 days, I hit the gym. After my workout I felt on top of the world, like nothing could ever stop me. The feeling lasted for an hour and then reality struck. People started talking to me about the ‘injustice’. And I was spiralling down. It‘s just not fair. Whatever I am talking about, you will never understand because for once I am not divulging all the details. If I do, a lot a people are going to be on the offensive and I cant afford to do it.

My friend cribs to death and I have joined her. We look at ourselves and think we could have done so much better. So why haven’t we? May be we should take some risks. It’s time to fly from the nest when you realize that the mother bird has become the stepmother.

PS; Just realised tat this is my 100th post.And this is not exactly how i would want this post to be.
Ideally it should have read like this.

I Love My Little Nest

I have been gymming for straight 20 days at a stretch and am feeling on top of the world. People have started talking to me about "it". And I just cant help being escactic. It's like slyly eating a chocolate fantasy during a formal meeting.
Why is Life so beautiful? Watever I am talking about you will never understand cos for once i am not telling you all the details. I dont want to jinx the luck. The "evil eye", i cant afford to get it.

My friend is always happy discussing this. Well...i've have joined her. We look at ourselves and think wow! we have evolved , become much better. There is no place like being in your own lil nest. After all that's where you became who you are....

What do you think?

Monday, March 03, 2008

I auto* blog more.....

I am always blogging in my mind…mostly when I am in the auto. One thought leads to another . Bitchy remarks…satires…philosophies….wishes…dreams.

And today when I visit my blog, I find nothing. No post at all.

It was just yesterday I made that story about David the foreigner going down on Mallika , the Iyer girl….I think that story would click and most importantly I like the story.

I was also thinking that I love the name Zulaika…..If I were a muslim I would want to be Zulaika Zoyab(I think the surname goes well). Exotic….radical….and smelling of an Arabian flower. There is a house in Khader Nawaz Khan Road called Zulaika. I wonder who she is.

There was another post that I half finished, when I was angry with Biju for ignoring me and wanting to work. It was a revenge fantasy. It goes like this. He would have a friend who looks like Shiny Ahuja ( yea rite) and who want to drive me and kamia around . Lets name him Ashish…hmmmm…not Ashish , Its obivious and kind of sissy. Rajiv it is. This Rajiv would obviously and secretly love me. But I would be always be trying to match him with my girl friends while Rajiv downs orange juice thinking of me and Biju would be burning with jealousy…and I would be oblivious to all this …always smiling .
I told you that It's a fantasy…

Hmmm……also I am beginning to think that Bitchy man is okay or it could also be him putting on an act.

I am also not been going to the gym after the last actual post but been toying with the idea of taking a Before and After Pic. But what if I get stuck with my Before Pic forever?

And there are so many other mundane posts……

At this moment my blogs during the auto rides coyly marry the blogs that stay in my real blog. There are gonna live in ooopsmommy happily ever after …even if I am gone.

Good Night.

for wat?

i'l tell u on April 6th.

Watch this space.....

Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I am 61.8 kgs and having abdominal obesity according to my Gym instructor. Joined a gym today. Tomorrow is my first work out day. So today I had to forcefully eat the 150 gms of horribly expensive chocolate almonds that I bought from a choc boutique. Tomorrow I will start on a clean slate.

Its an all woman’s gym. Yuck. Women stare more than the men and are more judgmental.


I have to lose weight.

PS; I have painted my nails and toes red. Nobody noticed except for the auto driver.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sleeping Together

Deep ,dead to the world
The fan is noiseless
The tap drips in vain
Thoughts are unborn
Limp in the crook of an arm
She sleeps

Snaking, slithering,
Teasing, warming,
Holding , hugging
Locking, Loving
Explosion of breathing
And drifting
Limp in the crook of an arm
She sleeps

She wakes up to light
And knows
That it was no dream.
While dead to the world
He sleeps.

She smiles.
What Should Mary do?

I have always believed that a woman is a woman’s worst enemy. My boss says that I have some stereotypical philosophies, which is not supported by rhyme or reason. This I guess is definitely one of them. It was the women who mostly let me down , told my dark deep secrets told in confidence to the world. Of course there were some men who did the same but they were easily conquered with smiles or tears. So it was a surprise more of a shock and definitely shattering my philosophy when I found out that the backbiter was not the woman but my friend, the bitchy man.

It ‘s very difficult to deal with him because he has the vile of the woman and the strength of a man. He knows how to look into my eyes and tell me a lie unflinching. He knows how to smirk the moment my back turns. He knows how to pitt two people against each other. He knows to be emotional and yet be powerful. He knows the game well.

With a woman, I know what to expect. With him, I just have no idea. I have two choices. One , to forget and forgive thinking that this does not make any difference in the larger scheme of things and continue to smile at him or stoop at his level and continue to smile at him.

I haven’t yet decided what to do. I am amused .

Mary had a bitchy friend
Bitchy friend
Bitchy friend
His coat was white as snow
(or so Mary thought)

And everywhere that Mary went
The bitchy Man was sure to go.

So now you tell me what Mary should do. I promise she will listen.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Blues of 2008

This is a bad year for me….well it looks like. Jan was bad ,Feb looks worse. Happiness is eluding me. There were flashes in between when I thought that things would be better. And then it just disappeared like all the things in life that we want the most but cant have. May be I am just exaggerating. I am an exaggerator. A tragedy queen. A self pity lover.
And I am all of it today.

For starters I cried my eyes out. And it’s puffy which I don’t like one bit. My whole body is aching and my neck is locked in a permanent sprain. My hair , I have long ago realized can never be my best feature, is matted and static. Just ate two perks now and the sugar is only adding to my misery. So hence this year for me is doomed.

I don’t know why I am so miserable. Just small little things that escalate to big things. Some people think that I am a bitch because I am always happy( read look happy) and wear clothes that doesn’t look like a purdah . They think that my only mission in life is to shop and be frivolous. They just cant take it. So now I know I won’t win any popularity contests. I don’t want to. I won the most popular girl award when I was in 7th std. It feels like long ago. It was long ago.

There are some good parts too. Angels who pop out of somewhere unexpectedly and do little things that make a huge difference. Today an angel make me smile briefly and the irony was I had no idea that he would become this unexpected angel. Thought he was a demon all along. Oh God! this sounds like a love story . It is not. It’s about a gesture that made a huge difference to me. Even if I tell you, you wont get it and it’s work related.

Just read wat I wrote. I sound like a loser. May be I am. You cant win every day even if you want to. And life is not always about tequila and smiles. It’s also about days like this when even white is black.

On the flip side, since the year 2008 started out to be boring and bad with me on a losing streak, it’ll end with me having ridden the waves well…strong, triumphant and successful. Amen to that. ( I like ending posts on a good note).