Tuesday, February 12, 2008

GONNA GYM

I am 61.8 kgs and having abdominal obesity according to my Gym instructor. Joined a gym today. Tomorrow is my first work out day. So today I had to forcefully eat the 150 gms of horribly expensive chocolate almonds that I bought from a choc boutique. Tomorrow I will start on a clean slate.

Its an all woman’s gym. Yuck. Women stare more than the men and are more judgmental.

Whatever.

I have to lose weight.

PS; I have painted my nails and toes red. Nobody noticed except for the auto driver.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Sleeping Together

Deep ,dead to the world
The fan is noiseless
The tap drips in vain
Thoughts are unborn
Limp in the crook of an arm
She sleeps

Snaking, slithering,
Teasing, warming,
Holding , hugging
Locking, Loving
Explosion of breathing
And drifting
Limp in the crook of an arm
She sleeps

She wakes up to light
And knows
That it was no dream.
While dead to the world
He sleeps.

She smiles.
What Should Mary do?

I have always believed that a woman is a woman’s worst enemy. My boss says that I have some stereotypical philosophies, which is not supported by rhyme or reason. This I guess is definitely one of them. It was the women who mostly let me down , told my dark deep secrets told in confidence to the world. Of course there were some men who did the same but they were easily conquered with smiles or tears. So it was a surprise more of a shock and definitely shattering my philosophy when I found out that the backbiter was not the woman but my friend, the bitchy man.

It ‘s very difficult to deal with him because he has the vile of the woman and the strength of a man. He knows how to look into my eyes and tell me a lie unflinching. He knows how to smirk the moment my back turns. He knows how to pitt two people against each other. He knows to be emotional and yet be powerful. He knows the game well.

With a woman, I know what to expect. With him, I just have no idea. I have two choices. One , to forget and forgive thinking that this does not make any difference in the larger scheme of things and continue to smile at him or stoop at his level and continue to smile at him.

I haven’t yet decided what to do. I am amused .

Mary had a bitchy friend
Bitchy friend
Bitchy friend
His coat was white as snow
(or so Mary thought)

And everywhere that Mary went
The bitchy Man was sure to go.
……………………..


So now you tell me what Mary should do. I promise she will listen.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Blues of 2008

This is a bad year for me….well it looks like. Jan was bad ,Feb looks worse. Happiness is eluding me. There were flashes in between when I thought that things would be better. And then it just disappeared like all the things in life that we want the most but cant have. May be I am just exaggerating. I am an exaggerator. A tragedy queen. A self pity lover.
And I am all of it today.

For starters I cried my eyes out. And it’s puffy which I don’t like one bit. My whole body is aching and my neck is locked in a permanent sprain. My hair , I have long ago realized can never be my best feature, is matted and static. Just ate two perks now and the sugar is only adding to my misery. So hence this year for me is doomed.

I don’t know why I am so miserable. Just small little things that escalate to big things. Some people think that I am a bitch because I am always happy( read look happy) and wear clothes that doesn’t look like a purdah . They think that my only mission in life is to shop and be frivolous. They just cant take it. So now I know I won’t win any popularity contests. I don’t want to. I won the most popular girl award when I was in 7th std. It feels like long ago. It was long ago.

There are some good parts too. Angels who pop out of somewhere unexpectedly and do little things that make a huge difference. Today an angel make me smile briefly and the irony was I had no idea that he would become this unexpected angel. Thought he was a demon all along. Oh God! this sounds like a love story . It is not. It’s about a gesture that made a huge difference to me. Even if I tell you, you wont get it and it’s work related.

Just read wat I wrote. I sound like a loser. May be I am. You cant win every day even if you want to. And life is not always about tequila and smiles. It’s also about days like this when even white is black.

On the flip side, since the year 2008 started out to be boring and bad with me on a losing streak, it’ll end with me having ridden the waves well…strong, triumphant and successful. Amen to that. ( I like ending posts on a good note).